THE END IS THE BEGINNING IS THE END!
Wowsers! I can’t believe we’ve reached the final instalment in this series of ISO Lifehacks!
And so, as we come to the end of our little journey together, it’s only fitting that it finally happened… I got the test!
Much like the rest of this ridiculous moratorium on anything resembling normal or reasonable, this was a truly mind-boggling experience. I mean literally, the nurse stuck a very long pokey, swabby thing up my nose, and it went so far back that I think it actually boggled my mind!
For the most part, I was very brave. I kept my cool for as long as I could. As I walked into the testing room, I felt thoroughly prepared for this moment. I mean, I’m a nose picker from way back. When I was a teenager, as a party trick, I used to snort a line of peas and then shoot them out of my mouth like a machine gun (I was going say I’m not proud of that, but you and I both know that’s a lie!). Needless to say, I genuinely believed that this was going to be a walk in the park.
I was coy, cocky even, right up until that moment when I realised that the swab was not going to stop! Seriously, imagine the place you think it should stop and then go a little further...and you are not even half way there! I felt my fist clenching (amongst other things) and I remember thinking that this was definitely the furthest I’ve ever gone on a first date!
OH MY FREAKING GOD, it was a bizarre, intense feeling of pleasure, pain, pride and humiliation. I was violated, but at the same time there was something incredibly liberating about it.
Now, I want to be very clear, it was the right thing to do. I had a sniffle and a sore throat, and increased testing is one of the proven methods in managing this virus. I felt like I was doing my civic duty, but I also felt as though I had undergone a rite of nasal passage.
Not only did I participate in the extreme ritual of COVID testing that connects me to millions of people all over the world, but I felt like I crossed a very important threshold.
Anthropologist, Lisa Wynn, describes COVID as “Schrodinger’s Virus”. Until tested, we have to act as if we simultaneously have it and don’t have it. We have to act like we have it so we don’t infect others; we have to act like we don’t have it so we don’t get infected…it’s bloody bonkers!
Before I had the test, I was paranoid that every time I visited my mum in the nursing home, I was going to be the cause of her untimely death. But now I know that I don’t have it, I’m paranoid that I’m the one who will die at someone else’s irresponsibly unwashed hand.
In fact, it is precisely the invisibility of this virus that has made both the beauty and the ugliness of ourselves, our families, our society and our world so god damn visible!
And as restrictions are lifting in some states but clamping down in others, I am stuck with this burning question…Is it over, or has it only just begun?
So, in order to make sense of what can only be described as a truly absurd situation, I can’t help but turn to my favourite absurdist (and reluctant existentialist), Albert Camus, who says that:
“In a world whose absurdity appears to be so impenetrable, we simply must reach a greater degree of understanding among men, a greater sincerity.”
To put it into perspective, in Europe in the 1940’s, folks like Camus had already lived through quite a bit. Many had experienced the death and destruction of both World Wars. They had seen the Great Depression, the Holocaust and the devastation of what an atomic bomb could actually do. You can’t blame the poor buggers for seriously wondering: “What was the point of life?” “What if there was no point to it at all?”
I mean, with regards to what brings me purpose, it changes from day to day. Sometimes it’s my family, sometimes it’s myself, sometimes it’s the world and the people and the environment, sometimes it’s staying in my pyjamas and eating a ridiculously overloaded burger!
The simple fact is that I have no bloody idea what it’s all about, and I’m OK with that. And I think that’s the point. For people like Camus, as long as we are honest, free and fair, the meaning is not as important as the process of finding and creating meaning together.
You see, if there’s anything I’ve learned from this extended and self-indulgent period of navel-gazing, it’s that regardless of the conclusions we have drawn, this opportunity to explore meaning like this, with all of you, has been incredibly meaningful.
Until next time...So long, and thanks for all the fish!