COURAGEOUS CONVERSATIONS
So I did a bad thing today. I’m not proud of it, but its done now and there’s no going back.
You see, I am a comfort eater. There, I said it. Now you know. I would say it feels like a weight off my chest, but once you hear my story, you'll know that's not true.
Today, I went to the local burger joint and I ordered the burger from hell! They called it the “Bad Boy” even before I started messing with it, so you know that’s one beast of a burger. Anyhow, I got that burger and I said to myself, the meat patty, the bacon, the cheese, the onion ring, nah…that’s not enough! So I added a southern fried chicken breast to the mix.
Suffice it to say, that sucker was amaaaazing! Oh my Lordy Lordy! Even though my heartbeat was a little irregular for a while, and there was a sharp pain in my thoracic region…I chunked it down, and it felt so good!
Ok, I knew it was wrong. But I did it to make myself feel better. As a comfort eater, I sometimes feel so overwhelmed by the world that I just gotta eat that pain away.
So what’s got me so down? I’m glad you asked. You see, there I was thinking that we’re all emerging out of this COVID stuff and life is getting better, things are getting easier and everything is coming up Milhouse!
But then this guy in America went and got himself killed by the police and all of a sudden everyone stopped talking about COVID and started talking about #blacklivesmatter…it was just so inconvenient!
OK, so if you don’t know already, I have brown skin…so this part of the series might be filled with a little bit of sarcasm.
But what does BLM have to do with COVID? Again, I’m glad you asked. The answer to that is …um…everything actually!
I mean, when I asked you to pay attention to things that needed to change, I wasn’t just talking about “Mary Kondo-ing” your house. The cumulative impact of drought, fires, floods, COVID and BLM has shown us that there’s a lot wrong with the world. There’s a lot right with it, don’t get me wrong, but this house needs a cleaning! And there are many things in here that simply do not bring me joy!
COVID has highlighted the stark inequalities in our society. We know that the virus is unevenly distributed along gendered, racial and economic lines. Even the choice to isolate or not is a function of privilege. I won’t go into that here, except to say that COVID and racism are not two separate issues.
Now, I’m a medical anthropologist for Pete’s sake (full disclosure...I have no idea who Pete is and why we are doing anything for his sake). My research was explicitly about racialised inequalities in public health for indigenous populations. I know this stuff already. That realisation is not what's got me so hot and bothered. What’s got my nickers in a twist is the stuff I’m seeing on the social feeds and the conversations that have come up as a result of yet another disruption to our very privileged status quo.
Seriously, I am having conversations about structural violence, systemic inequality, institutionalised racism, #alllivesmatter and bloody blackface for fuck’s sake! (feeling much more comfortable than I was with old mate Pete from before, BTW)
Needless to say, my mouse has been permanently hovering over the “unfriend” button for a couple for weeks now. But something is stopping me from doing it. I don’t want to be surrounded by a bubble of my own epistemology. I don’t want to be surrounded only by the people who agree with me. But bugger me...I'm getting exhausted!
Clearly the honeymoon is over and we are now hitting that really difficult part I was telling you about before. And the thing I want you to remember is that as we try to put together the broken pieces of our world, we need to have real conversations…and for that to happen, we need to have courage.
Courageous Conversations is a protocol used to talk about that unsavoury topic of race. It was created by Glenn Singleton, from Stanford University, and it has four principles:
Stay engaged: Basically, you gotta give a shit. We’re talking about people here…not just ideas. Staying engaged means remaining morally, emotionally, intellectually, and socially involved in the dialogue.
Speak your truth and listen for understanding: Be open about your thoughts and feelings and don’t just say what you think others want to hear. Also, don’t just say the first thing that pops into your head! And when others are speaking, try and understand how they are feeling and where they are coming from.
Expect and accept non-closure: What matters is that we start the conversation. But there is no need to rush to quick solutions. Believe it or not, when a conversation is about understanding, it is not about winning...it is ongoing.
Experience discomfort: Division already exists in society, but it is explicitly reinforced by not talking to each other. So rather than just posting silly things from the comfort and safety of your own home, have the courage to actually talk to people, even when it is uncomfortable. When done respectfully, that is where the healing and change begins.
So if you do feel uncomfortable, eat that burger, add a southern fried chicken breast if you have to. Deep fry the whole damn thing if it makes you feel better, just don’t mindlessly say and post crap to relieve your own personal discomfort. Let’s think about what we’re contributing to this conversation. Let’s think about the impact it is having on the people around us in our community. But above all…let’s try and be kind!
And if you can’t be kind…how about don’t be a dick!
If you liked this article, be sure and check out my recent podcast episode on "The Meaning of #blacklivesmatter" that I do with dear friend and philosopher Dr Tim Dean (its also available on iTunes). And if you are interested, I recently had a robust conversation for the Sydney Opera House Digital Season about "The Ethics of COVID" with award-winning author, Brigid Delaney, hosted by Edwina Throsby (watch it on youtube via the link provided).